strife

Bitterness

September 11, 2014 By Christina Cook Lee Leave a Comment

SEPTEMBER 11

Focus: Crankiness

Proverbs 5:21-23 (NKJV) For the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He ponders all his paths. His own iniquities entrap the wicked man, and he is caught in the cords of his sin. He shall die for lack of instruction, and in the greatness of his folly he shall go astray.

Some of our defects are easy to own up to and others aren’t. A behavior habit that can be identified with depression and dependency is ‘crankiness’. It can be the outward manifestation of bitterness.

Crankiness can be a defense mechanism, when it is put to good use by a person who wants to be left alone. People don’t normally want to be around someone who is cranky, so a person who is cranky, is often left alone. Whether the cranky person wants to be left alone, or not—cranky people often get just what they want, in one way or another.

However, Crankiness is sometimes a paradox. A person might be cranky because they are lonely—yet they are often lonely because they are cranky.

Not everyone who is cranky wants to be alone…and not all people are turned off by crankiness. Some cranky people actually use this behavior to get attention. In a relationship where there is a ‘giver’ and a ‘taker’, the ‘taker’ will sometimes use crankiness to get ‘giver’ to do something for them.

‘Giver’ lives to be needed and often thrives on the crankiness of ‘taker’. ‘Giver’ tries to fix ‘taker’ by jumping to attention whenever ‘taker’ barks or whines. ‘Giver’ means well, but at the end of the day, all that is accomplished by ‘giver’s’ responses—is enablement. ‘Taker’ isn’t fixed by ‘giver’s’ goodness.

If you have a tendency toward crankiness, you might want to take some time to step back and have a look at what crankiness has accomplished in your life. It might be a habit that you didn’t necessarily set out to develop. Maybe it occurred over a period of time and you’ve never really given it much thought. Maybe you don’t even see yourself as a cranky person.

An important thing to consider is, how often would you say you are cranky? Is it every morning? Is it every night? Are you sometimes cranky throughout the day, as well? What reasons do you give for being cranky? Is it other people’s fault? Is it that you didn’t sleep well? Is it that you haven’t had your coffee? Does there have to be a reason—or is crankiness just a habit that people associate with you as one of your personality traits?

Maybe you’re not cranky at all, but that doesn’t mean you don’t have the potential. Self-examination is never a bad thing, if it leads to self-improvement…or, if it prevents a behavior problem from developing.

In your recovery journey, you might have already made steps to get rid of a problem with bitterness, but possibly some of the spin-offs that were related to bitterness were not actually recognized as part of it. Crankiness may have come about in your life as a way of coping during the time when you had reasons to be bitter.

After you have acknowledged bitterness as a sin and repented of it, you still have to guard against it coming back. You also have to search for the ways it has affected your behavior…and work to improve them.

God knows the thoughts and intents of our hearts. He can help us gain understanding of our faults and give us the help we need to conquer any kind of defect in our character. As always, the way to change—starts with repentance and admitting that crankiness is a sin.

The Bible tells us to do unto others as we would like to have them do for us. I’m sure none of us would like to be treated with crankiness. Dealing with another person’s crankiness is never pleasant. Everyone would rather be treated with kindness and dignity instead. For a full recovery, crankiness has to go.

Left unattended—or allowed to continue, crankiness can become a roadblock in a person’s progress. There is never a good reason to make other people feel miserable—or make them feel they are the cause of a problem that is really our own. Crankiness is manipulation, and doesn’t belong in the life of someone who was created in the image of God.

Declaration: I will find new strength by continuing to examine myself for character defects as I move forward in my recovery journey. I will guard myself from cranky behavior. If I have behaved in a cranky manner to anyone, I will ask their forgiveness and promise not to be cranky to them any more.

All NEW STRENGTH posts are Copyright by Christina Cook Lee as of the date they were written and posted. Please request permission to re-post or re-blog. This material will be published as a book in 2013, by the grace of God. To subscribe to New Strength, select ‘follow’ in the upper left corner of this page.

For music selections that will help bring hope and encouragement during your recovery from depression and addiction, browse:http://www.youtube.com/user/NewStrengthMusic/videos?view=1&flow=grid

Anger

September 10, 2014 By Christina Cook Lee Leave a Comment

SEPTEMBER 10

Focus: Letting go

Matthew 16:25-27 (NKJV) For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it. For what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul? For the Son of Man will come in the glory of His Father with His angels, and then He will reward each according to his works.

Life is made up of a series of experiences that require us to let go of something. So many things pass through our hearts and hands in the course of a lifetime. Sometimes it’s easy to let go of a thing we have worn out or an item that didn’t turn out to be what we anticipated. We don’t really mind giving up that kind of stuff.

There are other things we have to give up that we actually have no control over. When there’s a job change and the family has to move, we sometimes have to give up ‘people’, as friendships can gradually grow distant, and then slip away. Over the years—for many reasons—we have to let go of a lot of people and things whether we want to, or not.

Some of the letting go can cause us to hold on too tightly to ‘who we are’. When we’ve had to give up so many things, there might be some resentment and passive or active anger that we hold onto ‘instead’…as though that could take the place of a loss we didn’t choose.

We might not even realize what’s going on as a small thing occurs and we find ourselves suddenly more angry than we should be. It seems like our feelings are unfounded—and yet, they’re not. The small thing that happened somehow triggered a response that might seem completely unrelated—when in truth, the repressed memory of a loss was stirred.

Why anger? Because often when we are challenged, the real dynamic taking place is that we are being required to let go of something for the sake of ‘peace’.

When we’ve had to give up a lot—we can become calloused and insensitive on the outside, but on the inside, the memories are still there. Nobody really likes having to give things up.

It’s common to overcompensate for losses we’ve had. Sometimes we try to make up for the pain by acquiring other things, possibly not even consciously knowing that what we are really doing is trying to replace what we lost with something else that might somehow make us feel better…for a while.

We try in all kinds of ways to hide the pain when a loss was especially deep. We might think we’ve done a pretty good job—but our feelings usually find a way of coming out in one way or another.

When our children were little, we were friends with several other couples who also had young children. When any of the little ones had a birthday, we’d all get together and celebrate with presents and food.

I remember so clearly a party that was held at a park with a nice pavilion and a playground. The kids played and had fun. The hotdogs, chips, and cake were served—and it was time for the little birthday boy to open his gifts.

We had girls and I was never sure what to buy for boys, so I asked the mom in advance what she thought he might like. I was happy and relieved when she was specific about a fun children’s video he’d seen at a friend’s house and really liked. I was thrilled with the information—and also that I could easily purchase the video at the local kids department store without a lot of shopping around.

The little guy had only opened a gift or two when his mom handed him our present to unwrap. His small three year old hands tore off the paper and he shrieked with joy when he saw the video. He was happily holding onto it with both hands when his mother tried to take it from him so he could continue opening the rest of his gifts. He didn’t throw a fit, but he also didn’t want to put the video down. He was holding onto it very tightly when his mother gracefully said, ‘Look at all of these gifts you still have to open. You’re not going to be able to open them if you don’t let go of the video.’ A look of realization passed over the boy’s face, and he reluctantly let her take the video out of his hands.

The memory of that scene has stayed with me through the years. There have been a number of times when it has come to mind when I was having trouble letting go of one thing or another.

Declaration: I will find new strength by letting go of another thing I might not want to release. By letting go of anger, God can fill me with His peace.

All NEW STRENGTH posts are Copyright by Christina Cook Lee as of the date they were written and posted. Please request permission to re-post or re-blog. This material will be published as a book in 2014, by the grace of God. To subscribe to New Strength, select ‘follow’ in the upper left corner of this page.

For music selections that will help bring hope and encouragement during your recovery from depression and addiction, browse:http://www.youtube.com/user/NewStrengthMusic/videos?view=1&flow=grid

Cultivating the will to live

September 9, 2014 By Christina Cook Lee Leave a Comment

SEPTEMBER 9

Focus: Finding inspiration

Hebrews 12:28-29 (NKJV) Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom which cannot be shaken, let us have grace, by which we may serve God acceptably with reverence and godly fear. For our God is a consuming fire.

It’s hard to live without inspiration. When one empty day bleeds over into another, and another, and another—there really isn’t much to live for. On any given day, it seems like there is nothing new and maybe there never will be. You know something is missing, but you don’t have any idea what. You live with a vague boredom, as though time is passing and you are just a disinterested observer.

You see other people who appear as though they’re enjoying life. They look like they are happy and filled with inspiration, and you wonder ‘how’. There are a lot of things to wonder about concerning ‘inspiration’. What does it mean to be inspired? Merriam-Webster says the word ‘inspired’ means: ‘outstanding or brilliant in a way or to a degree suggestive of divine.’ Something especially brilliant is ‘fire’.

When I was a young girl, my parents decided to build a large stone fireplace in our home. My mom and dad had collected a lot of big, heavy rocks for several years. Some of the rocks were from places they had gone on vacation—others were from the farmland around us that seemed to continually ‘produce’ new rocks every spring. On the outside, some of the rocks didn’t hold your attention. However, when they were cracked open—many of them were glittering works of art. The rocks they had collected were a variety of colors and textures. With a lot of effort, they built an amazingly beautiful—and functional fireplace that became a highlight of our home.

When you’re using a fireplace as a ‘heat source’, you have to keep the fire burning when it’s cold outside. Once a fire is lit, it doesn’t just continue to burn without some attention and encouragement. I remember going through all of the various steps to get fires to burn. My dad taught us that the best way to start a fire, was to take some waded up waste paper and stack some small sticks of dry, ‘kindling’ wood around the paper into the shape of a ‘tee-pee’. When the paper inside the tee-pee was set on fire with a match, the kindling wood usually caught on fire within a few minutes.

Once the kindling wood was burning, we could carefully start to add larger pieces of firewood. If there were pieces of wood that had been split—we could prop pieces on top of the burning kindling—and the split wood would ‘catch’ on fire better than a piece of wood that was still whole.

Sometimes when we’d get a fire started in the fireplace, we could enjoy several hours of warmth and pleasure. If we left the fire unattended—it would usually burn for a while and then sometimes go out. If the fire went out completely, we’d have to start all over again. If there were some embers that were still ‘alive’, there were ways to ‘stoke’ the fire—or, ‘coax’ the embers to spark back to flames.

Sometimes, the fire had died down and there were only a few hot coals left amongst the ashes in the bottom of the fireplace. For those times, we had a bellows. That fascinating device was capable of forcefully blowing oxygen onto the hot coals, which, in turn, could produce a flame if we were persistent enough.

To get a fire going again with the bellows, we had to have some passion…possibly produced from not wanting to freeze to death. If we were interested in rekindling the flame, we had to be willing to exert some energy in the process, since the bellows we had, were manually operated.

This process was accomplished by holding onto the two handles and quickly ‘pumping’ them first ‘apart’ and then, ‘together’. When the handles were pulled apart, air rushed into a chamber located between them. When the handles were pushed back together, air was forced out the tubular outlet on the opposite end of the handles. By pointing the bellows at the hot coals and pumping the handles rapidly, we could sometimes bring a fire back to life.

Finding inspiration can be a lot like starting a fire. You may not see anything attractive about the wasteland of your past, but if you ask the Holy Spirit to guide you—you will find treasure to build from. True inspiration comes from the Holy Spirit. The spark, or flame can be fed through the time you spend in the Word of God and in prayer. At times, you will have to draw deeply from the breath of God to keep your faith and fire burning. You can’t ignore it and expect it to keep you warm.

Declaration: I will find new strength and get fired up with inspiration, by believing such things are possible by power of the Holy Spirit. I will keep my inspiration fire alive by investing myself in the Word of God and prayer. I will live with the expectation that God can make my unattractive past into something amazingly beautiful and worthwhile.

All NEW STRENGTH posts are Copyright by Christina Cook Lee as of the date they were written and posted. Please request permission to re-post or re-blog. This material will be published as a book in 2014, by the grace of God. To subscribe to New Strength, select ‘follow’ in the upper left corner of this page.

For music selections that will help bring hope and encouragement during your recovery from depression and addiction, browse:http://www.youtube.com/user/NewStrengthMusic/videos?view=1&flow=grid

Love

September 8, 2014 By Christina Cook Lee Leave a Comment

SEPTEMBER 8

Focus: Seeking God the right way

Psalm 143:8 (NKJV) Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust; cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to You.

David really knew how to pray. He was able to state so honestly the desperation of his soul, always declaring God as his only possible hope.

Psalm 143 is a prayer of David. It’s a passage that any depressed or discouraged person could relate to:

Hear my prayer, O Lord. Give ear to my supplications! In Your faithfulness answer me, and in Your righteousness.
Do not enter into judgment with Your servant, for in Your sight no one living is righteous. For the enemy has persecuted my soul; he has crushed my life to the ground; he has made me dwell in darkness, like those who have long been dead. Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is distressed.
I remember the days of old; I meditate on all Your works; I muse on the work of Your hands. I spread out my hands to You; my soul longs for You like a thirsty land. Selah.
Answer me speedily, O Lord; my spirit fails! Do not hide Your face from me, lest I be like those who go down into the pit. Cause me to hear Your lovingkindness in the morning, for in You do I trust; cause me to know the way in which I should walk, for I lift up my soul to You.
Deliver me, O Lord, from my enemies; in You I take shelter. Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God; Your Spirit is good. Lead me in the land of uprightness. Revive me, O Lord, for Your Name’s sake! For Your righteousness’ sake bring my soul out of trouble. In Your mercy cut off my enemies, and destroy all those who afflict my soul; for I am Your servant.

In the times of David’s life when he was depressed, he had a unique way of getting God’s attention. As we examine this prayer of David in detail, we see that throughout the whole passage, David continually affirms God’s character traits and attributes. In these few verses, David lists at least twenty qualities of God’s divine nature. David recognizes the Lord as: The One who hears prayer, the One who is faithful, righteous, able to judge, holy, creative, powerful, the source, loving, kind, trustworthy, the One who is able to deliver, shelter, teach, the One who can revive, the One who is merciful, strong, mighty, the victor, and the master.

David starts out by appealing to the Lord’s faithfulness and righteousness. David is quick to admit his own overwhelming need and submits his lowly position of humility and distress.

Next, David mentions his relationship with the Lord, the years he has spent meditating on the works of the Lord, and how much he is inspired by the works of the Lord’s hands. David indicates his great need for even more contact with the Lord at this time, by spreading out his hands in the same way a thirsty land reaches for water.

David continues pursuing God by confessing his immediate need for the Lord to answer his cry for help. He indicates that his strength is nearly exhausted and he pleads with urgency to the Lord, as a dying man fighting for his soul. David is crying out for the Lord to reveal His lovingkindness by rescuing him from the place he has had to dwell because of the persecution of his enemies. David is desperate for light and revelation. He has been trapped in darkness, and can’t see a way out of his circumstances. He is so crushed and persecuted that he has become disoriented. He is utterly lost and has no idea which way he should walk to get away from those who are afflicting him.

David is searching with all his heart for deliverance from his enemies and shelter in God. He knows God is good and capable of teaching him what he needs to learn. He wants to be revived and led out of his trouble, so that the Lord would be glorified and receive praise. David calls out to his Master for mercy, as a servant of God.

Our own point of need may be as extreme to us as David’s was to him—the question is, do we honor God as David did? Do we pray with the same kind of fervency and expectancy as David did?

Declaration: I will find new strength by honoring Almighty God and acknowledging His great power as I seek Him in prayer. I will magnify the Lord by exalting Him with my devotion.

All NEW STRENGTH posts are Copyright by Christina Cook Lee as of the date they were written and posted. Please request permission to re-post or re-blog. This material will be published as a book in 2014, by the grace of God. To subscribe to New Strength, select ‘follow’ in the upper left corner of this page.

For music selections that will help bring hope and encouragement during your recovery from depression and addiction, browse:http://www.youtube.com/user/NewStrengthMusic/videos?view=1&flow=grid

Live and let live

September 7, 2014 By Christina Cook Lee Leave a Comment

SEPTEMBER 7

Focus: What would Jesus do?

2 Timothy 2:24 (NKJV) But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife.

Jesus was the perfect example of One who avoided foolish and ignorant disputes. On a number of occasions, religious leaders tried to draw Him into discussions hoping they could get Him to say something that would contradict scripture and prove that He was a counterfeit. Jesus spoke with wisdom and was always in perfect control. He didn’t have to worry about saying the wrong thing. He was the living Word of God, made flesh. He could not contradict Himself in any way.

We, on the other hand, don’t always think before we speak. We aren’t full of wisdom and what we say isn’t always in perfect agreement with the Word of God. If we could remember to think first, and speak later–we would probably avoid most, if not all of the disputes that come up in life.

If we had a better knowledge of the Word of God, we would understand the futility of arguing and finding fault with other people. We would realize that our job is to pray for people and let God have His way in changing them, or us.

Why is it that some people think it is their calling in life to tell the rest of the world how they should think, talk, act, and breathe? What satisfaction can there be in watching for someone to make a mistake, so that their error can quickly be pointed out, and advice–no correction–can be given as to how what they did or said, could have been done or said, better? We’ve all been around someone like that at one time or another, and had to be the object of their disapproval. It’s not a fun place to be. Critical people aren’t often discreet about their opinion, either. In fact, some of them actually enjoy having an audience.

I had an elementary school teacher who fit the description I have just given. Everyone in the class that year, sat with their heads bowed slightly and avoided eye contact when a question was posed. Students rarely volunteered an answer, since it was her way to ridicule almost any response. I have many memories of her pounding her fist on her desk and yelling at us with a red face. We were just young children–too afraid of her to knowingly cause any kind of trouble. She was a grown up bully. That kind of thing probably doesn’t happen anymore–or maybe it does…

I have observed parents who bully their children–don’t ask me why. I have observed husbands who bully their wives. I have observed wives who bully their husbands. And I’ve observed children who bully their parents, and their siblings. I could go on, but I’m sure the picture has been painted well enough that by now, you may be recalling people whom you have known who behaved this way toward people, too.

In depression and dependency, it’s common to have had some experience as the victim of a bully. You may have had to deal with this kind of thing in the past–or maybe it’s something you’re living with right now. Sometimes victims of bullies become bullies themselves.

Whichever way you might have experienced bullying, remember Jesus was bullied, too. When those who bullied Jesus couldn’t get Him to participate in their charade, one thing led to another and the situation got more than ugly. But in the end, God was glorified.

Nobody likes to think of the awful things Jesus suffered–and most decent people wouldn’t want to think of any person being bullied to the point of abuse–yet it happens.

If you are currently being bullied, try to remember the advice given in 2 Timothy 2:24. Sometimes, out of habit, you might be drawn into a dispute that will only lead to strife. Scripture tells us to avoid arguing. That advice isn’t always easy to follow if you have a hard time letting someone else have the last word.

Jesus didn’t worry about letting His accusers have the last word, He knew the truth–and that was enough for Him. Is that enough for you? When someone wrongly or rightly accuses you, are you able to remain silent? Or, if you’re the one doing the bullying–could you just stop?

If you’re being bullied and you stop responding–it doesn’t mean the bullying will stop–but it means you will no longer give the bully any verbal encouragement to continue. If the bullying continues, pray for the one who is misusing you. Draw from the Love of God to find the ability to bless them. That’s what scripture tells us to do. As you pray for them and bless them, God will bless you in return. He is glorified when we are able to respond as Jesus would.

Declaration: I will find new strength as the Love of God enables me to avoid foolish and ignorant disputes.

All NEW STRENGTH posts are Copyright by Christina Cook Lee as of the date they were written and posted. Please request permission to re-post or re-blog. This material will be published as a book in 2014, by the grace of God. To subscribe to New Strength, select ‘follow’ in the upper left corner of this page.

For music selections that will help bring hope and encouragement during your recovery from depression and addiction, browse:http://www.youtube.com/user/NewStrengthMusic/videos?view=1&flow=grid

Overcoming

June 14, 2014 By Christina Cook Lee Leave a Comment

June 14

Focus: Finding the will to avoid the ‘stupid stuff’

2 Timothy 2:23 (NKJV) But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife.

One of the biggest things that might keep any person from moving ahead as a true overcomer is knowing how to break old patterns involving conversation with people who tend to know how to push all the wrong buttons. In other words…figuring out how to keep from arguing with people who just like to argue.

Arguing is some people’s favorite pass time. They actually live to argue and seem to find pleasure in stirring up a conflict. I remember relationships in my past that were that way. I was pretty ignorant at the time and would jump right in, whenever I was challenged.

God doesn’t want us to be involved in worthless disputes. When two people argue—neither one is really a winner. A true winner is one who doesn’t get sucked into arguing in the first place.

Eliminating arguing from our lives can be a challenge—especially if someone you’re around a lot just doesn’t want to get along and always seems to be working at trying to get something going.

Knowing who you are in Christ can help when another person makes an uncomplimentary statement about you. If your mind is focused on what God says about you—you won’t be as affected by hurtful comments that are intended to cause you pain.

When somebody is trying their best to insult you and get you to defend yourself—just remember the example of Jesus when He was being mocked and jeered at by those who crucified Him. See your own situation as an opportunity to show your ability to act as Jesus would, if He were in your shoes.

A few practical things you can try when someone is attempting to draw you into a dispute are as follows:

Say nothing. That’s what Jesus did. When His accusers were trying to get Him to answer their stupid questions—He just didn’t say anything.
If you do give an answer, try to make your response in an even, controlled tone of voice. The volume of our words has a lot to do with whether a dispute goes further, or not.
Try to think of the one who is initiating a conflict with compassion in your heart. Think of them as a person who Jesus loves and died for. No matter how ignorant they may be of His ways—He still loves them and He wants you to do the same.
Think of the person who wants to argue as a little child who hasn’t learned to control their emotions yet. Realize there’s something about their character that still needs to mature, so show your own maturity by trying to respond to them in patient, understanding ways that will preserve peace.
Let the other person do the talking, and while they talk—recite the 23^rdPsalm or the words to a simple ‘praise song’ in your mind. This kind of exercise is not just a mental distraction—it is a way of comforting and encouraging yourself in the Lord in the face of conflict.
Ask the other person to forgive you for whatever fault they are finding in you. Sincerely admit you’re not perfect and offer to work on whatever it is they are accusing you of.
Pray for them. Pray silently and ask God to fill you with His love for them. Ask Him to help you see them as He does. Ask for the ability to be a peacemaker. Ask that the Love of Jesus would flow through you to that person who wants to argue with you. Ask God to bless the one who is persecuting you.

Being in a relationship with someone who isn’t trying to be an overcomer is a difficult challenge. No matter how much you want to move forward—you can’t really make them want to do the same. They may resent who you are becoming and feel insecure about the improvements in your character. As you’re trying with all your heart to live a more stable life, it can be painful not to have support from them—which is something you could really use at a time like this.

Just remember, if you’re going to be a true overcomer, you will have to be able to endure trials of this nature. Your decision to recover can’t be based on whether everyone is giving you encouragement or getting along with you. Your decision to recover has to be a 100% commitment—even in the face of opposition. It has to work all the time—or it won’t work at all.

Declaration: I will find new strength by avoiding the ‘stupid stuff’ whenever possible. I will practice using my new strength skills during times when I might be tempted to argue.

For music selections that will help bring hope and encouragement during your recovery from depression and addiction, browse:http://www.youtube.com/user/NewStrengthMusic/videos?view=1&flow=grid

strife

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