Focus: The importance of right relationships
Proverbs 12:26 (NIV) The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Sometimes a weak person may feel stronger in the presence of someone who is confident and outgoing—but often, those who are depressed and dependent gravitate more easily toward people who are just like they are. You know the old saying, “Misery loves company”.
If you are trying to recover from depression and dependency—spending time with a person who is not depressed or dependent would be a healthy thing to do. But, it isn’t that easy to feel comfortable around people who are not depressed or dependent–when you are. By the same token, people who aren’t depressed or dependent usually aren’t all that comfortable around people who are.
A desire for acceptance is one of the principal driving forces, for any person in search of a relationship. It is basic human nature to want respect and admiration. Yet, if we are in a period of weakness and insecurity—it is so easy to end up in negative relationships that produce negative results.
So, what is the answer? How does a depressed and dependent person break out of the pattern of attracting negative relationships? And, what can you do about the friends you have who are taking you down even further than you already are–whenever you’re together?
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In Charles R. Swindoll’s book, Dropping Your Guard, he states:
“If you put on a pair of clean white gloves on a rainy day and then go out into the backyard to the flower bed and pick up a glob of mud, trust me, the mud will never get “glovey”. The gloves will definitely get muddy. Every time in all my years on earth, I have never seen glovey mud. Not once.”
Here are some practical suggestions I would like to make—based on personal experience.
Make sure your priorities are right. Don’t think a relationship is going to ‘fix’ you. God is the only one who is going to fix you. Seeking or cultivating relationships with people who have no respect or admiration for God will not lead you toward Him—but away from Him. You have already been there and done that. There is nothing you need to go back and re-visit on that wrong road.
Learn to be comfortable without friends for a while. Your relationship with God truly is enough. When you are stable and at a point where your confidence is completely in God, alone—you will be able to make better decisions about friendships. Until you get to a healthy, recovered state, you need to keep all of your focus on God and His great love for you.
When past acquaintances question why you aren’t getting together with them–tell them you have decided to put your friendship ‘on hold’ while you spend time working on some personal issues that need attending to. Be willing to suffer insult, if they mock you and try to use negative tactics to draw you back. Your recovery progress is more important than their approval.
Ask God to let you know when it is okay for you to have relationships again. Tell Him you want His help in this. Give Him permission to select a new circle of positive and nurturing friends for you…people who will help you keep moving forward on your journey.
Declaration: I will find new strength by accepting the fact that friendship with God is all I need right now. I will keep my focus on building a strong relationship with Him and wait for His choices in my future relationships.
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All NEW STRENGTH posts are Copyright by Christina Cook Lee 2012. Please request permission to re-post or re-blog.