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Christina Cook Lee

Media Producer - Author - Blogger - Songwriter

Right Relationships

Right relationships

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APRIL 22 

Focus: The importance of faith relationships

Hebrews 10:22-25 (NIV) …let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for He who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

As you move forward in recovery, an area that might need work is your willingness or interest in developing deeper relationships with other believers. Going through times of failure and weakness can cause you to feel insecure. While you might be lonely—it also isn’t that easy to make new friends.

It’s possible that somewhere in your background you felt judged because of your choices or behavior. That ‘judgment’—which also felt like rejection—made you back away from faith relationships. The thought of voluntarily placing yourself in a position that could lead to more rejection than you’ve already been through may not be very comfortable or appealing.

In depression and dependency, the enemy of your soul wants you to believe that being around ‘those people’ could be bad for you. He will do his best to plant seeds of doubt in your mind about anything that might result in you moving  closer to God. Don’t forget—the devil, who is referred to in scripture as ‘the thief’, comes to steal, kill, and destroy. He does his best work—which is destruction—when he is able to get a person isolated and away from the faith community. He often accomplishes isolating you by getting you to think all Christians are hypocrites and that you can’t trust them.

God is love and life. Spending time in the presence of God and with His people will lead you to wholeness. Moving away from God and away from His people leads to alienation and devastation.

No doubt about it—if you seek to develop closer faith relationships, you will be exposed to people who are not perfect. Don’t be guilty of ‘writing off’ some who you may not have a natural attraction to. People are not always what they appear to be on first impression. Remember, you don’t find things in common with every person you meet—whether they claim to be a Christian, or not. Don’t base your opinion of Christianity on people you have met who offended you or rubbed you the wrong way. You may have heard it said before—Christians aren’t ‘perfect’, they’re just ‘forgiven’.

If you haven’t been attending a church, try looking for one that offers a Christian recovery program of some type. You can do an internet search in your community and find one. Churches sensitive to the widespread condition of depression and dependency will be able to meet your needs and make you feel less ‘out of place’. Even if you don’t feel like revealing your needs immediately—you will no doubt see people you can relate to in the crowd.

Most people don’t develop lasting faith friendships by just going to church. Let’s face it—when you’re in church, you’re the listener and somebody else is the speaker. The best way to go deeper is to check out what is offered in the way of Bible studies or ‘small groups’. These groups are usually very casual and are meant to give people a chance to have some fun and find friends. Most churches have a resource table or information desk, where you can find materials detailing what kind of ‘small groups’ they offer. If you’re not comfortable with the idea of being in a discussion oriented group, try looking for one that is centered around activities. A ‘small group’ might meet at the church, another public place, or even in someone’s home. The important thing is that the atmosphere will be ‘open’ and you will have the opportunity to get acquainted.

As much as you might resist the idea of opening up and bonding with other individuals—it’s really what God wants for you. As sensitive as you might be about your past—you could be surprised when you get into a group and start getting to know people. You will probably find your past isn’t any worse or all that different from a lot of people who have struggled in the same areas. Being part of a group will give you a sense of ‘belonging’ and offer you some positive role models who will be encouraging to you.

As you continue to move forward in your recovery, you will become more confident about God’s ability to use your successes and your failures. You will be able to see a bigger picture than you see right now and understand the purpose of the things you’ve been through. Healthy faith relationships are an important part of your future. It takes courage to make yourself vulnerable and move in that direction—but the results of living a life that agrees with God’s design offers lasting rewards.

Declaration: I will find new strength by seeking healthy faith relationships and becoming actively involved in a body of believers.

All NEW STRENGTH posts are Copyright by Christina Cook Lee as of the date they were written and posted. Please request permission to re-post or re-blog. This material will be published as a book in 2013, by the grace of God. To subscribe to New Strength, select ‘follow’ in the upper left corner of this page.

For music selections that will help bring hope and encouragement during your recovery from depression and addiction, browse: http://www.youtube.com/user/NewStrengthMusic/videos?view=1&flow=grid

Right relationships

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MARCH 22 

Focus: Listening to the right voice

Psalm 1:1 (NKJV) Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
nor stands in the path of sinners,
nor sits in the seat of the scornful…

Right or wrong company has everything to do with your ability to keep moving forward in recovery. When you’re facing a situation you’re not sure about—who do you call as a sounding board, and why? Of course you try to call someone who you respect and trust—that is, if you know anyone who fits that description. It’s hard when it seems like there’s no one you can turn to. Then again, you might be tempted to share your problems with someone who is sympathetic—but may not be the right ‘pick’ spiritually. Discouragement can make you desperate. It’s natural to wish for someone who is willing to listen. When life is confusing and you’re emotionally crunched—it might really help for someone to give you some practical suggestions, if you’re open to that.

The problem is—knowing whether the advice you’re getting is what God would say, if you could see Him face to face. There are times when I get so frustrated that God doesn’t just ‘appear’ and give me a straight answer. Everything would be so much simpler, wouldn’t it? But, let’s face it—life is more like a puzzle. We have to search for the pieces one by one. Sometimes a piece looks like it’s going to fit. It’s the right color, the right shape. You looked a long time for it and now you have it in your hand—but then you try to fit it in where it looks like it should go, and guess what? It doesn’t fit after all. Close, but not close enough. So, back you go—looking for another piece. And on and on and on…

Even when you have the Word of God, which contains all the answers to every problem faced by mankind—sometimes you just run out of the energy to hunt, don’t you? Wouldn’t you rather have somebody just tell you what to do, so you don’t have to work at it? Of course you would.

But, God must have wanted it this way. He must have thought it would be better for us to have to work on things and learn through experience to trust Him in times when we couldn’t find our way on our own. A God who is capable of being everywhere all at once could have made it possible for us to all to see Him at the same time—in our own way. He could have been a personal ‘Genie’ to every one of us—but He didn’t do it like that.

Sometimes, He allows us to have friends who will speak into our lives and give us guidance—but, for the most part, He wants to be the one we run to. He wants us to learn to sort His voice out from all the others. So that when somebody makes a suggestion to us—we’ll know if that person is the mouthpiece of God—or if they are just speaking something that ‘sounds good’.

The counsel of the ungodly may not look bad. It might sound pretty good, actually. It might look a whole lot like the ‘right puzzle piece’, but when you try to match it up with the Word of God—it’s not a fit.

Jeff and I lived in California for three years. A year and a half of that time, we weren’t married. The cost of living was very high. We each rented rooms in different condo complexes or homes. We moved a couple of times and it was complicated trying to find rooms that weren’t too far apart. We both worked full time and wanted to have as much time together as possible. Well meaning Christian friends said, why don’t you just get a place together? From a practical and financial standpoint—it might have made sense to them. However, Jeff and I had higher standards than that. We wanted to be married—but were willing to go through inconvenience and have our finances stretched until we were ready to make that commitment. We knew that living together out of wedlock was not God’s plan, according to His Word. If we had been looking for an excuse to do it anyway—there were plenty of ‘reasons’. Lots of people did it. It wasn’t unusual at all.

The words of Psalm 1:1 are interesting if you look at them closely. The verse talks about someone who will be blessed if they don’t ‘walk’ in the counsel of the ungodly. The next section of the verse goes from ‘walking’ in counsel—to ‘standing’ in the path of sinners. A person who is standing, is not moving forward, right? In other words, we could say that sin ‘stops you’. In the final section of the verse, we come to the ‘seat’ of the scornful. When someone is seated—they have ‘settled in’. They are not only ‘not moving forward’—they have taken up residence in a wrong place…a position of scorn. Someone who is scornful, thinks they know more that anyone else. They are arrogant, cynical, and egotistical. Someone who is weak might be fooled into thinking a scornful person is full of wisdom, because of the way they exalt their own opinion over what anyone else has to say. You can see how important it is to not listen to the wrong voice. The counsel of the ungodly leads us from walking to standing to sitting. It takes us from a place of being willing to listen—to sinning—to becoming scornful.

Declaration: I will find new strength by not being too anxious to take the advice of ‘just anyone’. I will carefully weigh any suggestions I am given against what the Word of God has to say. It might take more work, but in the end—all of the pieces will fit perfectly.

All NEW STRENGTH posts are Copyright by Christina Cook Lee as of the date they were written and posted. Please request permission to re-post or re-blog. This material will be published as a book in 2013, by the grace of God. To subscribe to New Strength, select ‘follow’ in the upper left corner of this page.

For music selections that will help bring hope and encouragement during your recovery from depression and addiction, browse:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bW5unzXXC0